She says she’s going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000.

The bank officer says the bank will need some kind Of security for the loan, so the blonde hands over the keys to a new Mercedes Benz SL 500.

The car is parked on the street in front of the bank, she has the title and everything checks out. The bank agrees to accept the car collateral for the loan. The bank’s president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the blonde for using a $110,000 Benz as collateral against a $5,000 loan. An employee of the bank then proceeds to drive the Benz into the bank’s underground garage and parks it there.

Two weeks later, the blonde returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41. The loan officer says, “Miss, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow $5,000?”

The blonde replies, “Where else in New York City can I park my Car for two weeks for only $15.41 and expect it to be there when I return?”

Finally… a smart blonde joke.
Sent from Dirty Jokes

So how can we reach an answer? Well, put it this way: about a year after a couple’s first child, a woman will say, “Let’s have another baby.”

But I challenge you to find a man who, one year on, will turn to his drinking buddy and says, “Tell you what, Dave… Kick me in the balls again.”

1. Thou shall not eat cheese nachos after 1AM. Ok seriously this is just really a bad idea. You just know eating this meal that late will most likely spike a serious need to use ‘the throne’ within 8 hours, and you really just shouldn’t be up that early on the weekend—unless it’s football season which may cause you to miss the opening kickoff because you are on the can.
2. Thou shall not eat chips—all the way until the bag is empty. Save some of those golden nuggets of joy boys. Eating all at once is really just silly because you know there will be a time when you need to sneak some when the wife isn’t looking. Plan ahead and either save a few, or stash an extra bag somewhere where she will never find it.
3. One will wear thy belt one notch tighter. Crank it down man. This will make your entire day uncomfortable so it will be a constant reminder to lose some weight. Nothing can be more vivid reminder then that belt buckle pinching belly hair all day long.
4. Thou shall use larger plates. Dr Oz states how piling food higher than 1” on your plate is a faux pas. EXCELLENT advice. Get a bigger plate man, spread that grub out. Once again, the enlightenment of Dr Oz amazes.
5. Thou shall not eat standing up. This is taken DIRECTLY from the list of Dr Oz. Gentlemen, please do not eat standing up. Sit back, take it easy, and just relax. If there is some way you can convince the wife to bring you a sandwich while lounging on the couch, all the better. That feat is another list, but hey, we can dream.
6. Thou shall watch thy red meat consumption. Come on guys, we are all at fault here. We eat too much red meat. Chips, hot wings, and mozzarella sticks are staple foods. Do not ignore them! You must adhere to this guys, it is Dr Oz approved.
7. 7 Through 10…I mean seriously trying to follow 10 rules all at once is just a little difficult. The wife constantly points out that we have trouble remembering two things at once, and if we could recall what else she said, we would help you guys out and reiterate it here for you.

We have rules in our life men and it’s merely a matter of us observing the guidelines set before us. There’s effort needed here for sure, but we have faith that with our help, you too can perform at your highest ability. Our waistline is very important to our wives…just listen to us, and it’ll all be good.

Here at ihatedroz we make every attempt to keep our readers grounded. It’s not fair to tease them by saying something like, “Dr Oz says deep frying is good for you!” However, when something so rare comes along, we need to point it out—even if it sounds too good to be true. OK boys, hit the recline button on the barcalounger because you won’t believe this one…self cooling cans. YES…I KNOW!!

Currently, a company by the name of West Coast Chill is on the verge of distributing an energy drink that has a mechanism within the can that when pressed will it will automatically chill the beverage up to 30 degrees cooler. YES…I KNOW!!! The technology has actually been around for many years but only recently been perfected. While it will only be available to this particular energy drink, let us sit and consider of the applications!

As you can see, the product possibilities are truly endless. We wish we could announce when this technology would be ready for something besides the energy drink, but that is currently unknown. Yet, be rest assured everyone, the moment this wonderful technology becomes more widespread, you can bet we will be all over it. In the mean time we will sacrifice and use the archaic device of ice, but it’s oh so exciting that soon, with a simple push of a button, ahhhhh coolness!!

• No more heavy coolers for the beer.
• Instant cold beer even when you forget to put the 6 pack in the fridge.
• Cold beer anytime.
• It will make your beer cold when you need it.
• You push a button on the can and the beer gets cold.
• Sit for an entire game and not have to get up and get a cold beer—it’s right there!

Here’s a YouTube video of the future:

Ultimate Steak Omelet Ingredients:

• 3 large eggs
• 4 oz of small bite size pieces of precooked steak
• Large handful of grated cheese
• Leftover precooked potatoes. Check out our Homemade Steak Fry recipe, they are perfect for left over potatoes in this omelet
• Couple dashes of Taco seasoning
• Salt and Pepper to flavor
• Few chopped onions (optional)
• Few chopped green peppers (optional)
• Few chopped mushrooms (optional)
• Dash of parsley (optional)

First get your steak prepared into small bite sized bits, and mix that in with the leftover potatoes. Get a small non-stick pan or omelet pan on medium to high heat and get it warm. While the skillet is heating, beat the eggs in a separate bowl and throw a pinch of salt and pepper as well. Once the skillet is ready, pour the eggs into the pan and let them cook for a minute or two. There will be still uncooked egg on top, but a spatula should be able to lift the edges of the cooking egg up off the pan pretty easily. As the egg starts to firm up, place all of your ingredients on just one half of the poured egg and sprinkle on some taco seasoning. Top it off with however heavy amount of cheese you prefer. Once the rest of the egg starts to get close to firm (not runny), flip over the half to close off the omelet. Let that cook for another minute and then flip the whole thing over once as well. Cook for about one more minute and then place on a plate, top it with a bit of parsley for some color and serve.

Besides being wonderfully tasty, this dish will easily hold you over until lunchtime. With the amount of protein, it won’t make you sleepy and holds steady for a good long while. Bon appetit!!

Ingredients for a Gin & Tonic

• Ice
• 1 large lemon
• 1-2 limes
• 1-3 oz of Gin (We prefer Tanqueray)
• 3 oz of Tonic
• Large Glass

Directions to Make a Gin and Tonic

Start with a large glass and a good portion of ice; fill the glass about 2/3 full with ice. Next pour your gin to the level of your comfort. Go slow because you can always add a more if needed. Next wash and slice the lemon and lime into quarters. The secret to the proper gin and tonic are the lemons and lime slices. Depending on the size of the glass you are using squeeze at least 2 lemon slices liberally into the glass and when done, throw the rinds in. Do the same with 3 of the lime slices. Then fill the glass the rest of the way with tonic. However, when I make this drink for my sister-in-law I’ll go through a full lemon and near 2 limes per drink for her. The combo of the two hides any alcohol taste very well, which she prefers.

I tend to like this drink on the sweeter side so I will use a little more lime. If you prefer tart, go heavier on the lemon. The lime will control the sweetness for you, and the lemon will always make it more sour. This drink is tough to beat on a nice summer day. Cheers!

That’s right, we are giving away a FREE Dr. Oz T-Shirt! Normally a t-shirt would not attract much attention, but Dr. Oz does not produce tee-shirts except for those that are on their show. This means that a Dr Oz T-Shirt is nearly one of a kind. A true collectors item!

You can have one of the two T-Shirts given to the men from ihatedroz.com

There are three ways you can become eligible for the Free T-Shirt.

• Enter your email address in the right column ===>
• Tweet about IHateDrOz.com, be sure to use hashtag #ihatedroz
• Share IHateDrOz.com with your Friends on Facebook

That’s it, just one easy step and this fine piece of cotton can be yours!

You wife will slap this blood stopping device to your upper arm and eagerly await the results with fingers crossed to see the numbers below 115/75. You smile pleasantly as you see that you’ve passed her little test. Then she straps it onto the other arm. You see Dr Oz has gone and equipped your wife with some scientific medical report or such saying that it is important to compare the results between left and right arms. If there is a discrepancy, it could mean a blockage within the system and your risks could be higher.

So what does this mean to you and me? Yep, you guessed it, something being taken away. Only one of the loveliest things on the planet…salt. And as Dr Oz so eloquently points out on his show, bread is one of the biggest culprits of salt intake. Great. Those divine three sandwich weekends–gone. The extra bread sticks at dinner–BYE BYE! Bread is one of the biggest hidden salt problems we face, and increased blood pressure can be one of the most significant health concerns we deal with. Whatever.

You win this time Dr Oz. We’ll follow the wife’s suggestion and do the blood pressure and watch our salt, but I have to tell you a sandwich will occur now and then, we are men after all.

If the wife is truly gun ho, take a look at these blood pressure cuffs. My wife got me this one, Omron HEM-780 Automatic Blood Pressure Monitor with ComFit Cuff.

Advice of the Day:
I have found that if you take a sip of beer while the cuff is doing it’s thing, it screws up the test and she yells at me louder. FYI.

Here is the scenario…you juice up carrots, apples and oranges and drink it down as a daily way of getting all those nutrients that seem to escape the general male diet.  Oh wait, did I forget to add in kale, broccoli, cabbage, wheat germ, cauliflower, cucumber, and eye of newt?  A vile green mixture you will surely continue to belch up well past lunchtime. 

Your wife will typically say something like this after you drink the evil liquid; “Ah, Honey doesn’t it feel great to know you have consumed all your vegetables for the day?”

Your typical reply will be  “Ummm, ‘burp’ yeah great Hun.  I feel just fantastic.”  Thanks to Dr Oz and eight ounces of ground up green malevolence, you too can experience that gut bomb that rivals that midnight nacho mistake you pulled off the other night at the game.

Advice of the Day:  When the wife brings up needing a juicer, panic.  In fact, go buy her that diamond ring she’s been wanting…it will at least deplete the savings account enough to save yourself for a couple of months.

So why you ask. Why, oh WHY is this man and my wife now bleeding me. Well, Dr Oz points out that it is not only high blood sugar and diabetes tough on all your organs, (namely the eyes and kidneys) but it is also being linked to memory difficulties and Alzheimer’s. Sigh…so now no sugar intake!?!? Seriously!?! Well, not exactly. You see you can continue to have some sugar, but increased exercise and activity will help combat any extra sugar you may consume. Hence, we are right back where we started…no comfy chair and certainly no extra piece of chocolate cake. Let the blood flow all in the name of love for your wife, and Dr Oz standing behind her smiling like the Cheshire cat.

The small unassuming pen like device will not scare you on sight. It looks very tame. I have to admit my wife actually giggled a bit when she grabbed my finger and dabbed it with alcohol. I really wasn’t paying attention because she starved me for 12 hours first so the coolness of the alcohol swab barely registered. Then the thing snaps and searing pain shoots from your finger tip to your elbow. As your vision clears through the haze of pain and slew of cusswords ends, her laughing will slow. She’ll then take a small little strip of paper and dab it with your blood. Your job is now over so take a breather and grab breakfast. However, if that little gizmo reads over 100, look out!! Your world is about to really change. Yet, truly guys, if she has gotten one of these blood sucking monitors, you’re already sunk.

Advice of the day: Don’t try sneaking your sweets on the way home from work. That little device will find the sugar, and your blood won’t lie. Offer to take your own readings and when she’s not looking stick the cat. It will probably freak out the monitor and she’ll eventually catch you, but hey, at least you got out of a few finger pokes.