The Joy of the Parlay
By Oz Hater | March 18, 2010
It is that time of the year again, March Madness! This is a great time of the year to be a sports junky, or even a part time gambler. Before the tournament starts everyone is an expert, you put your picks down on your bracket sheet. If you are feeling frisky you may even fill out two or three brackets. You look at your picks, analyze the mascots, and listen to the Sports Center announcers all in an effort to solidify your picks. At this point you are rock solid, you know you have the perfect bracket. So why not put down a little parlay wager to make the early round games more interesting?
The Parlay
I am not going to try to explain the nuances of sports betting and what all the different plus and minus elements mean. There are already numerous forums and blog posts that explain those details. What I will say about a parlay is it is a combination of bets that when you win all of them you get paid more than you would have making each bet individually. At the same time, for this added bonus you also assume additional risk, because if you lose even one of your bets you lose the entire parlay.
The risk aside, I cannot pass up the chance to bet a couple dollars on a parlay. After all, I am so confident from my brackets that I have selected the right teams, why not put that knowledge to use and make a few extra dollars? Where else can I bet $20 and win $2000? So I make my parlay bets, and then sit back and dream about what I would do with that $2000.
The Failed Parlay
There are several painful ways to lose a parlay, but by far the worst is losing on your last bet. For example, you bet the Thursday opening round of the NCAA tourney, you watch the games from your office on the internet, sure enough pick after pick keeps rolling in. You drive home, and your upset pick comes in. 
All that is left is your late game, you picked the favorite to win, no points, just straight up win. First half looks good, your team has a ten point lead going into half time, you are already online looking at that Sling Shot you have wanted since you were a kid. The second half starts and your team dunks on the first possession, you figure it is in the bag and click order on your sling shot.
Then it happens, and you can feel it before it shows on the scoreboard. The underdog is starting a come back, but the favorite team does not realize it. The underdog scratches and claws their way back, and by the time the favorite team realizes it, the score is tied with 2 minutes to go. You are on the edge of your seat, hanging on every shot and cursing every damn commercial that comes on TV. While you know the game is not over yet, you can feel that you have already lost. After all your team had the insurmountable lead, and it was surmounted by the underdog. Needless to say, the Cinderella story that the media loves, just cost you $2000. All you have to show for it is an expensive sling shot and a pit in your stomach.
There is nothing worse than losing a parlay on the last game.
The Monday After
The Monday after the tournament is uncomfortable to most, after all we are not Dan Patrick, we don’t get paid to follow sports everyday of our lives. Why on earth did I place $100 in wagers on a game I don’t even watch during the regular season? 
So you head into the office with your tail between your legs, just hoping the bracket manager says you still have a chance. But you know, just like the failed parlay, that your bracket is toast. Jim in accounting, who wins every year is again in first place with his entire sweet 16 still in tack. He immediately mentions that the Cinderella story that just cost you $2K, he knew they were going to win, because after all they have that stupid mascot.
Hurray! For the NCAA Tournament!
Topics: A Man Would Understand | No Comments »
Pot at the End of a Rainbow
By Oz Hater | March 17, 2010
Finding the elusive pot of gold at the end of a rainbow has always proven very difficult. A few have found it, but due to the lucrative nature of the pot, they are often never heard from again. Since most who find the pot disappear, getting an accurate account of the pot has been impossible until now.
Lucky for us, the person who found this pot at the end of the rainbow chose to take a picture prior to capturing the elusive pot.
Topics: Miscellaneous | No Comments »
How to make a Lemon Drop Martini
By Oz Hater | April 25, 2009
Lemon Drop Martini
It’s time for us guys to stick together and let our fellow uninformed men in on a little secret…Lemon Drops. Yes, you read that correctly Lemon Drops. Such a simple drink and rather fun to say…Lemon Drops. The Lemon Drop Martini is said to have origins from a 70’s singles bar in San Francisco called Henry’s Africa. It’s considered by many to be a “chick drink”, and herein boys is why it is so wonderful.
When made properly, it is sweet enough to drink comfortably, even for those who do not like the taste of alcohol. Here at I Hate Dr Oz would NEVER condone drinking in excess, but there are times that if she has a little too much to drink we can get a few things ‘done’. Some of you out there know what I mean
First off there are a couple of ways to make this drink. The simple way is using premade ingredients, adding booze and serve. That’s fine, but sometimes presentation goes a long way. Remember, we have our own agenda. Work the whole scene, and the chance of success goes up. Here’s what you will need:
What is in an Lemon Drop
This recipe is for groups, it will make 12 lemon drops
- 12 oz of Absolut Citron Vodka
- 2 Fresh Lemon
- 1 can Frozen Lemonade Concentrate
- 3/4 Cup of Granulated Sugar
- Mixing Pitcher
- 2 Cups of Water
- 4 Cups of Ice
- 12 Martini Glasses
Directions to make a Lemon Drop
- Start off by cutting 1 of the lemons in half and squeezing/juicing this into the mixing container. Slice the remaining lemon into quarters, these will be used as the garnish in the martini glass.
- Put the juice concentrate in the pitcher
- Add ½ Cup of Sugar, save the remainder for the garnish
- Add the water to the pitcher
- Add the ice
- Mix all ingredients together
- Add the Vodka
- Now shake/mix gently so you don’t bruise the vodka.
- Once chilled, strain and serve.
Now this seems very involved, and it can be. Therefore, you need to make sure she watches you do the whole process. Remember, you are there for her, and tending to her. It’s all about her and making a wonderfully tasty drink for HER. If she has friends over and you are serving all of them, all the better. Looking good in front of her friends scores points for you.
The next step is for you. Since you know your girl best, look for the proper signs that the wonders of the Lemon Drop is doing its magic. Most likely, if the drink was mixed properly, the signs really won’t be too subtle. Their power is substantial.
Now go get permission for that new cordless drill! Prepare yourself for the next day though guys. She will try and deny her giving you the OK for whatever it is you may have asked for. Remind her, that she did drink a little bit and she did in fact say it was alright to have the guys over for poker tonight. However, you may want to catch her saying it on video tape, because Lemon Drops seem to cause a little amnesia now and then.
Advice of the day:
Lemon Drops are tasty and you may be tempted to partake as well. DANGER! Avoid this gentlemen. The tables can quickly be turned around. This happened to me the last time and I’m visiting the mother-in-law tomorrow right after I mow the lawn and clean the gutters.
Warning! – Alcohol should not be consumed by minors. All alcoholic beverages should be consumed in moderation
Topics: Alcohol | No Comments »
One Women with Ten Husbands
By Oz Hater | April 24, 2009
10 Husbands
A young man married a beautiful woman who had previously divorced 10 husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband to Please be gentle; I’M still a virgin.
What? said the puzzled groom.
How can that be possible if you’ve been married ten times.?
Well…
- Husband #1 was a Sales Representative; he just kept telling me how great it was going to be.
- Husband #2 was in Software Services; he was never really sure how it was supposed to function; but he said he would look into it and get back with me..
- Husband #3 was from Field Services; he said that everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn’t get the system up.
- Husband #4 was in Telemarketing; even though he knew he had the order, he didn’t know when he would be able to deliver.
- Husband #5 was an Engineer, he understood the basic process but he wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state of the-art method.
- Husband #6 was from Administration; he thought he knew how but he wasn’t sure whether it was his job or not.
- Husband #7 was in Marketing; although he had a product, he was never sure how to position it.
- Husband #8 was a Psychiatrist; all he did was talk about it.
- Husband #9 was a Gynecologist; all he did was look at it. .
- Husband #10 was a Stamp Collector; all he ever did was …God I miss him.
But now that Ive married you, and I am so excited…
Wonderful, said the husband, but why?
To which she replied, You are with the GOVERNMENT…
This time I KNOW I AM gonna get SCREWED.
Topics: Jokes | No Comments »
How to make an Espresso Martini
By Oz Hater | April 19, 2009
Espresso Martini
Living in the Northwest, we have many simple pleasures we take for granted: Clean air, green landscape, and of course, coffee. Oh how we LOVE our coffee. I think that our daily caffeine high takes our mind off of the rain. Anyways, what better way to get your fix than an intense caffeine dose with booze added to it.
What is in a Espresso Martini
- 1 oz cold Espresso
- 1/2 oz Vodka
- 1/2 oz Coffee Liqueur (Kahlua)
- 1 oz White Crème de Cacao
Directions to make an Espresso Martini
- Pour the alcoholic ingredients into a large glass or shaker tin , fill with ice
- Shake heavily until mix is very cold with small slivers of ice
- Add espresso, shake lightly
- Serve in a martini glass
- Garnish with 3 espresso beans
Optional Additions to Espresso Martini
- Use Vanilla Vodka
- Use a Chocolate Liqueur like Godiva instead of Coffee flavored Liqueur
- Serve in a chilled or frozen martini glass
- Drizzle chocolate syrup on the inside of the glass before adding the liquid
Advice of the day:
Don’t wait until you go to the Northwest to try an Espresso Martini. The weather still sucks and who cares about trees when you sip a couple of these.
Warning! – Alcohol should not be consumed by minors. All alcoholic beverages should be consumed in moderation
Topics: Alcohol | No Comments »
How to make a Long Island Ice Tea
By Oz Hater | April 18, 2009
Long Island Ice Tea
Fewer drinks will allow you to combine as much alcohol together and keep the taste palatable then the Long Island Ice Tea. First served in the 70’s, The Long Island gets its name from the largest island in the continental United States, Long Island, in New York. Robert (Rosebud) Butt, a bartender at the Oak Beach Inn, is credited with its birth.
With over 15 years of experience behind a bar, I will warn you that I have never had someone order this drink without me immediately asking to see their ID. If you want everyone to know this is your first day at the rodeo, order a Long Island Ice Tea.
What is in a Long Island Ice Tea
- 1/2 oz Vodka
- 1/2 oz Gin
- 1/2 oz Rum
- 1/2 oz Tequilla
- 1/2 oz Triple Sec
- 2 oz Sweet and Sour Mix
- 1 Splash of Coke or Pepsi
Directions to make an Long Island Ice Tea
- Pour the ingredients into a large glass or shaker tin
- Shake lightly and server
- Garnish with a lemon
Optional Additions to Long Island Ice Tea
- Depending on the part of the country you are in, the tequila is remove from the recipie
- Another variation is to replace tequila with brandy
- If you want to make these at home but do not want to buy all the ingredients you can purchase a pre-mix at your local grocery store, then you only need to purchase vodka to mix with it.
Advice of the day:
Bring at least one friend when you start mixing up Long Island’s because you’ll need a witness to the stupid things you’ll start to do after drinking just two of them.
Warning! – Alcohol should not be consumed by minors. All alcoholic beverages should be consumed in moderation
Topics: Alcohol | No Comments »
How to make an Alabama Slammer
By Oz Hater | April 17, 2009
Alabama Slammer
Boys, I want to take you back. Back in time when you could drink all night, get 2 hours of sleep, and get up in the morning and go to work and actually be somewhat productive. Yes, we are talking about all night Alabama Slammers. The University of Alabama is credited with decanting this for the first time. Something so sweet, even extra strength Motrin does not touch the intense head pain in the morning. Boy those were the days!
Now we don’t want to sound negative at all here because an Alabama Slammers is one of our favorite drinks. We just want to lend a little warning to those that have never partaken in the Slam before.
What is in an Alabama Slammer
- 1/2 oz Amaretto Almond Liqueur
- 1/2 oz Southern Comfort
- 1/2 oz Sloe Gin
- 1 Splash of Orange Juice to taste
- 1 Splash of Sweet and Sour Mix to taste
Directions to make an Alabama Slammer
- Pour the ingredients into a shaker, pitcher or large glass filled with ice
- Shake until cold, strain and serve in a martini glass for a fancy group or server in a glass of ice for a party or hot day.
Optional Additions to Alabama Slammer
For extra kick, try adding a half ounce of vodka.
Advice of the day:
Make sure you have some chips or crackers on hand. You’ll need something salty to cut the overwhelming sugar aftermath. Hopefully, that will also slow down the onset of diabetes after a night of hitting these.
Warning! – Alcohol should not be consumed by minors. All alcoholic beverages should be consumed in moderation
Topics: Alcohol | No Comments »
Baby Laughter – What was the cause?
By Oz Hater | April 12, 2009
If this is your first time to our website “We do not actually hate Dr. Oz”
I Hate Dr Oz was a catchy idea and a title for a blog, not so much for Oz bashing. You can read our reason for naming the blog on other posts.
For those of you who do not know, my son Mason has a friendly laughter, and many times he brings it out, without prompting. However, on this occasion, Mason, Izzie and I were home alone, and Mason was not very happy. He had been crying for a while, and I was on my last ounce of patience.
I started encouraging Mason’s laughter, and for a few minutes he was finally laughing. After a few laughs, I decided I had to get the video camera to capture his laughter. Below you can see a minute of Baby laughter, and what caused it. I dare you to try and watch this video without laughing.
Topics: Jokes | 1 Comment »
Best Blender for Frozen Drinks
By Oz Hater | April 8, 2009
Best Frozen Drink Blender
I have been a bartender for over 12 years, I have seen many blenders come and go. With the sheer volume of frozen drinks restaurants are bars make, having a high quality blender is vital. The best blender I have found for making frozen drinks in a bar or at home is the Margaritaville DM0500 Bahamas This machine makes the pain and drudgery of frozen drinks go away, and turns it into something people enjoy making for themselves and others.
Features of the Blender
- Automatic setting to shave and blend 36 oz. of frozen drink in one easy step
- Manual “shave only” and “blend only” setting to customize the consistency of the frozen drink
- Durable and high quality plastic jar
- 450w of combined shaving and blending power to create the perfect frozen drink
Advice of the Day: Frozen drinks are great, and when making them keep the children in mind also. I like to make the non-alcoholic version first to give the kids a chance to feel like a grown up. Then once they are happy I can make another batch with alcohol. To spice it up a little for the kids, get them a swirly straw to go with their non-alcoholic Strawberry Margarita!
Topics: Alcohol | No Comments »
How to make a Strawberry Margarita
By Oz Hater | April 8, 2009
Frozen Strawberry Margarita
Strawberry Margarita
As we get closer to summer, making frozen drinks becomes more and more popular. One of my favorite pool side treats is the Strawberry Margarita. It blends the smooth earth tones of Tequila, with the sweet nectars of strawberries.
What is in a Strawberry Margarita
- Blender
- 4 Cups of Ice
- 2 Cups of Fresh Strawberries
- 1 Cup of Sugar
- 1 Can of Sprite or 7-Up
- 4 ounces of Tequila
Directions to make a Strawberry Margaritas
- First add the ice, and can of Sprite into the blender, mix until the consistency is smooth and all the ice is blended.
- Then add in the sugar, and fresh strawberries, blend just enough to chop up the strawberries but not enough to pulverize them.
- Last add the tequila, this can then be blended briefly or mixed by hand
- Add more tequila or sugar based on your personal preferences
- Pour the mixture into your favorite Margarita glasses
Optional Additions to Strawberry Margaritas
- Sugared Rims Pour 1/4 cup of sugar onto a plate, wipe the rim of your margarita glasses with a lime and then dip the glass onto the plate of sugar.
- Garnish with a strawberry Take a left over strawberry and put a tiny slit at the bottom, place the strawberry on the rim of the glass.
- Use Rum If you do not like the taste of Tequila, you can use the same recipe, except substitute the tequila for a white rum like Bacardi. The end result is actually a Strawberry Daiquiri, but who is taking notes.
Warning! – Alcohol should not be consumed by minors. All alcoholic beverages should be consumed in moderation
Topics: Alcohol | No Comments »
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